Fear of Myself

In trying to be authentic and to recover, it is necessary to listen to my “inner wisdom” in order to truly be myself, but I am afraid that, if I let that show, then people won’t like me, and maybe I won’t even like myself. I wrote the following poem today along this theme. Each line has 5 words, which I did to try to add rigidity and more constraint. I want to be more free, yet being inside my little box is kind of comfortable.

I fear my inner wisdom

And everything along with it,

Because what kind of woman

Would that make me become,

Would that make me become

Someone unfamiliar, someone without love?

I worry about my heart

Clogging from too much fat,

But now I wonder if

There is something else clogging

My heart and the arteries,

Some blockage inside, not physical

Not something you can touch,

But something that refuses touch,

That doesn’t let in love.



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