Something Inevitable

Today’s challenge for DVerse Poetics is to write on the topic of one or more of the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). I’ll try not to focus on Depression, for once. 🙂 This seems to be quite a challenge for me, but as a writer, I am probably capable of it. The picture is one I took last year.


I’ve been grieving for a long time. At 19 years old, an eating disorder took over my life, almost took my life. Then I spent 4 years recovering. Those are 4 years I’m never going to get back, 4 years when the rest of my peers graduated from college and got jobs, maybe even started families. I feel behind, like I’ll never catch up. Covid didn’t help anything — thanks to that, life became even more on hold. All my life seems to be made up of recovering from previous life.

I used to wonder how I developed an eating disorder in the first place. Now, after having done a ton of therapy and realizing the commonalities between me and other sufferers, I am more surprised that it didn’t happen earlier.

I’ve been briefly in the “acceptance” stage, believing that God has something else for me, that God is writing a beautiful story. Maybe He is, but that doesn’t stop me from stalking over to the “anger” stage. With a birthday coming up in only 6 weeks, I am seeing even more starkly what is lost and finding fewer and fewer ways to replace it.

“growth in everything?”
see skeletal arms reaching,
a withered fig tree

IMG_20210415_140120893

Well, that was sadder than I intended. I failed my self-imposed “try not to cry” challenge.

13 thoughts on “Something Inevitable

  1. I could feel the pain in your writing voice as you shared these very vulnerable feelings and experiences. Your writing is a gift that can be of help to us all. There is much more joy to experience!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Jenna I just read through the other comments, and I feel encouraged for my own sense of loss. The fact that you are still here says you are a survivor. That you are sharing your struggle so others may be heartened and not so alone with them, is a public service that you can be proud of. My heart goes out to you with the image you give in your haiku. :::HUGS:::

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I had many years where I had what might be labeled depression now. No friends, family that wasn’t supportive. Yes they can be considered lost years. But don’t dwell on them. I’ve also had many jobs but not really a career. Maybe in my retirement my writing will be that?

    Anyway – move forward, but remember a step back sometimes is not a complete road block. I’m not a Dr. – Maybe you’ve been told all that anywya? Just move forward one step at a time and know that what you write might help someone else. (((Hugs)))

    Like

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