Struggling

So, I wrote a décima today. It’s been a while since I’ve shared one because Ronovan Writes has a Sijo challenge now, but here you go. It started out positive. I wrote the second and third lines first, inspired by a Bible verse (link goes to a different translation from the one I used but close enough 🙂 ). However, then I had An Afternoon.

I tried, people, I tried. -_-


There’s a crown of worth unfading:
For this I struggle and press on,
With Christ in me to make me strong
Into unknown waters wading.

Here come attacks aggravating
Already-strong onslaughts, keeping
Me laughably close to weeping,
No matter prayers and platitudes.
All of the strength that I’d accrued
Was used earlier – I’m sleeping.

person sleeping beside dead leaves
Photo by Alan Cabello on Pexels.com

Bonus! Here’s a shadorma I wrote this morning about trusting God, despite how hard it is. In the morning it felt possible. However, then I had An Afternoon.

path ahead
is obscurity —
but darkness
is not dark
for Someone. take a deep breath,
this must be trusted

So, when I first typed this up, I added an asterisk at the end:  *even if you are pissed at Him

I hope this isn’t like the video game Portal, where “the cake is a lie.” I feel like all the metaphorical cake in this world is not worth going through this over. and. over. again.

Yesterday, in the livestreamed rosary group that I’m still a part of (I have written about it before at some point), I wrote about some of my difficulty with depression / wanting to die, etc. and somebody told me to “seek the Lord.” Thankfully I stopped myself from actually typing back, “What a GREAT idea!! Wish I’d thought of that!” What do you think I’ve been doing? I mean, we had just gotten done with the rosary! AAAAARGH F***!

You Don't Say?

Thank you for reading my versified tantrum. I am assuming that you are reading. 🙂

One thought on “Struggling

  1. I liked the little aside about “even if you are pissed at him”. It reminds me of an African American gospel song where the singer is talking about “disputing” with the Father when he gets to heaven – which reminds me of traditions of dialog in religious life. After all a respectful discussion is a learning tool.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s