I Am God’s Plaything…

Possibly the first time I have ever publicly responded to MLMM’s Saturday Mix: Same Same, but Different. We are given a list of 5 words and are asked to use synonyms. Follow the link for more info. This was one of my 11 poems written yesterday.

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I am God's plaything, partnering
unwillingly with Loss, as Time
flies by, wearing fleet-footed Mercury's 
sandals -- yet the fire of Life
does not die quickly
Enough. 
               But I love so much. 
Don't ever hurry past the greenery,
Nor the moon, nor winged things of beauty.

Photo by Nina Mace Photography on Pexels.com

Losing Track

It’s Quadrille Monday at the DVerse Poets virtual pub! This week’s word is track. Also written for FOWC: Medal.

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We always, always kept track of grades,
Mine we always As, 
Except for one B+ 
In an AP Physics class --
That's another thing,
I took six APs --
And in academic decathlon 
I won seven medals.

And what do I have
Left of it now? 

Believe it or not, I did write something happy today, this morning. Maybe I’ll share it later. Maybe I can even try to write a second quadrille. In the meantime, here is my quadrille, based on my dumpster-fire of a life, in which all of my previous achievements have burned to invisible ashes.

The moral of this story is, if you did badly in school, none of it matters anyway!

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Driving Dreams

I.
It's nighttime, and I 
Am in the back seat --
Suddenly realize there is no
Driver. How is this thing
Going? How are we not
Crashing? And where
Is the destination?

ii.
It's daytime, amid much traffic.
I am driving, swerving,
Worried about crashing
But narrowly averting 
Every obstacle -- until I arrive
Safely, somewhere.

iii.
Once again daytime, and I 
Am both inside and outside 
The car, seeing a busy 
Intersection. After some
Successful swerving, we
Crash, and I'm both
Dead and alive.

Did I mention I can't drive? 

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This was inspired by / in response to Paula’s dream interpretation #10 at MLMM. I have driving dreams a lot, especially for someone who doesn’t drive in real life, and most of them don’t turn out well, or at least they are very stressful.

Photo by Bruno Ticianelli on Pexels.com

From the End of September

The last photo from September is this orchid flower. My brother, who works at a gardening shop, must have done some sort of Orchid Rescue Mission, as we have about 8 orchid plants throughout our house all of a sudden. 

P.S. I am having a bit of an existential crisis because it is October. The passage of time has haunted me since I was a little girl. I had some pretty heavy journal entries for a 9-year-old! Monthly challenges such as this are a bright spot. 🙂

A Special Memorial

Today’s stream-of-consciousness prompt was “me-” either by itself or as the beginning of another word. The first words I thought of were French — mentir [to lie], mensonge [lie] — also the words “mendacity” and “mendacious,” but as my blog is usually truthful to a fault, I did not want to write about those, either! I have a memory from this week 5 years ago of making a Funfetti cake in honor of my patron saint, whose special memorial feast day is today. Her name is Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, and she was a nun who lived and died near the end of the 19th century. She is often known as The Little Flower. 

She died at a mere 24 years of age but is considered a Doctor of the Church because of her teaching of the “Little Way.” I wrote a poem, meritorious or not, inspired by her today:

May the scent of roses guide
Through these darkened paths,
May all friends in Heaven pray
With strong love that lasts,
Send to me a heavenly rose
With aroma sweet,
Gentle guide with me always
Giving peace complete.

I’d Cease…

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I'd cease
To exist, if
God You stopped loving me,
That's what I've heard some people say --
So stop. 

Posting because why not. Sorry about the doom and sadness, but that’s where I’m at. Swings are fun; mood swings are not. I’ve found some happy things but can’t write a happy poem. 

Update: I did write a happy poem tonight.

Good / Evil

I began this poem yesterday for the DVerse Poetics prompt about good and evil and finished it today in order to share with Open-Link Night. It is written almost like an inner dialogue. I wanted to vary the rhymes a little bit more, but I don’t know; maybe the monorhyme for half the poem works.

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Supposed to think of life as greatest gift,
But tired of trying hard to spirit life.
                                     Come and get a little lost,
                                     In the darkness, high cost.
                                     Come and listen to accusers.
Fight against that voice, that we won’t lose her.
                                      After a rest, the monster
                                      Stirs, peace it defers.
She tries to remember all that life offers.

Photo by Oyster Haus on Pexels.com

What Is Evil?

Thanks to a prompt on DVerse, I found part of a poem to share for One-Liner Wednesday. When I was younger, I read a whole book of Kahlil Gibran’s works and loved it. 

Ouch

M-R-S degree:
Not life’s entire attainment
But I can’t help it —
Want someone to share my life,
Someone to accept my love

This tanka was inspired by the wordle below from MLMM. The word “marriage” specifically led to me writing this. The point of a wordle is to use most / all of the words, but I’m still linking up.

A couple of months ago, my bf and I of 15 months broke up, since his mother decided that she didn’t like me, for the sole reason that I have an entry-level job. It has been a really hard process, especially because my ex hardly even stood up and fought for me, even though he was crazy about me and all but proposed. Everyone I’ve spoken to says that A. his mother was way out of line, and B. I deserve better. Sometimes I believe that. In fact, I believed it more in the beginning, to be honest. I even got angry with my now-ex and told him to “grow some balls” — and I usually don’t use that kind of language, especially not to someone’s face!

Today it still hurts so much to be judged in such a way. It has been especially difficult because even if I “deserve better,” where can I find “better;” I don’t know?

Here’s a Title

This week’s sijo prompt is Balance, and that word triggers me so much because I have cerebral palsy and a kind of messed-up life, so it’s like physically I get off balance and mentally everything’s off balance. It has been like this for a long time; actually I’ve gotten better over time, overall. Plus, I have only a mild case of cerebral palsy and am actually really lucky, yet it still feels like some sort of cosmic joke. It’s sort of surprising how pissed off I am by this prompt (no offense to the prompter — I love writing sijos!). Anyway, here’s my attempt for this week.

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She loved her pink tutu and ballet shoes, dancing to music,
Freely flowing, feeling the melodies even at that young age,
Before the time she realized: she could not be a ballerina.

I tried not to write something autobiographical, but look what came out. Also, it turns out that this is only related obliquely, but I’ll be sharing and linking it anyway. Voilà.