This might be my favorite Magic 9 poem that I have written.
This time of year, Christmastime, is hard for me because of how dark it gets. In addition, Christmas Day is usually one of the hardest days of the year because, even though I get to go to Mass, the rest of my family does not believe in Christ, so they’re just waiting impatiently for me to get home so that we can open presents.
There was one year when I was so depressed that the presents made the feeling worse. They felt not only superfluous but like a slap in the face. They felt so empty. That night was one of the hardest nights of my entire life. Maybe you understand what I’m saying without me having to say it outright.
Anyway, there was a poem somewhere in there, but I haven’t found it yet. I’ve actually been remarkably well for a week or so; maybe Christmas Day will turn out to be truly happy.
Might as well share my Sijo with you for this week. Our prompt is “Trip.”
Also linking up with Poets and Storytellers United.
I haven’t been traveling much, but if I could I would
Go to a peaceful, relaxing place, maybe a beautiful beach —
As long as I could take this: a calm mind along with me
Anxious -- I have seldom felt So restless, Mind fluttering from one Thought to the next Unfocused, More often I am Melancholic, Slow, This isn't funny but It's not so Serious: I don't have To beg God To make It stop Yet.
Not sure if I should share this one, but it fulfilled 2 prompts, FOWC: Beg and MLMM’s Opposing Forces. Maybe it’s not very good, but writing it did help me focus on something and feel a little better.
A depressed optimist: A contradiction, Yet ringing true, For I see sunlight And hear beautiful music, Voices of loved ones, Feeling happiness in my heart. Filling up with joy Yet deflating, like A "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" balloon A week afterward.
I apologize; my stream of consciousness is still dark. Maybe I’m addicted to writing about depression. 🙃
Foe this prompt, to write a poem using a date as the title. I hope I responded well to the prompt.
I'm sorry I interrupted your Star Trek marathon With my birth. We both did -- My brother came first, 11 p.m., and I a whopping 17 minutes later. You like to joke That without my brother, I found your womb Much more comfortable -- But that comfort Almost killed me, Stuck in the process Of moving from Life to new life. I wonder, What it would have been like, For my brother to be born A single twin?
For MLMM’S Opposing Forces. Quite often, I look back and think things used to be so much better. At the very least, I miss the past, probably too much. Also, at least for me, I feel like my life has stopped for the past 6 or 7 years, like I left myself back there or something.
Please comment if you know what the heck I mean by that.
“Call Me Mara” *
With all my reminisces, I ought to take a tiny bit of sugar To sweeten any bitterness of loss; And like Lot's wife, take A giant pillar of salt as the cost. * see Ruth 1:20
I do not concur With the voices that aver I won't amount to anything. I used to have no voice, But now I have a choice: Be silent or to sing. Please know that I'm trying.
I’ve been reading a book called I Love Jesus, but I Want to Die, by Sarah J. Robinson. The book title was what attracted me because of how blunt it is. I appreciate that the author didn’t mince words. I’ve had this book for over a year but only started to read it a couple of months ago because, before, I couldn’t get through the first page without sobbing.
I read a chapter today which mentioned psalm 139. Not the verses that are supposed to be hope-filled, such as “I praise You, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” but the part where it says, “If I make my bed in hell [or Sheol, or the grave], You are there.” That inspired me to make this piece of “art,” using good old Microsoft Paint:
It might not be finished, but I wanted to share. Nor am I finished with the book, but I wanted to write about it because it is the most real book on dealing with depression from a Christian perspective that I’ve ever read. Sometimes it gives me some hope. Other times it doesn’t, but it doesn’t claim to have all the answers. That verse helped a little today but it might not tomorrow; we will have to see.
This writer certainly wants to write something… but what? After seeing today’s MVB prompt, I had to post because the word “writer” is literally part of my blog name. There’s a poem that I recently wrote that I like, but I’d feel foolish sharing it. I’d have to drink a lot of alcohol to feel comfortable posting it. 🙂 I don’t drink anyway.
My heart still hurts, and I’m having the same thoughts as always, but thanks to the miracle of modern pharmaceuticals, I don’t feel as distressed. Nevertheless, though I have started 5 poems, not a single one is finished.
Later, if I don’t go to sleep really early, I will go to choir practice. Very recently I rejoined the choir at my church because the choir got small enough to where I no longer feel claustrophobic in the small practice room. Lately I have grown to love singing from the pew (I call it being a “surround-sound singer”), but… yeah, I think I am supposed to join the group.
I’ll end this poem-less post with a small gratitude list:
- The hot coffee that I brewed this morning that warmed me up
- My snuggly, warm robe
- That something I had not been looking forward to was not that scary
- God created ducks
I haven’t posted many poems here lately, mainly quotes, memes, and photos; so tonight I wanted to share a Sijo for last week’s challenge, Winning. This submission is late, so I guess I’m in last place. 🙂 Nevertheless, that’s better than not participating, isn’t it?
For so many honors, accolades, and wealth people strive on Earth:
How much of it lasts, beyond fleeting fifteen minutes of fame?
Winning in life means gaining what no one can take away.
I am not exactly winning at life. In fact, I am pretty much losing. Badly. But I hope I can “win” what counts: These include an enduring faith in Jesus, the love of those who are important to me, and eventually peace.