Struggling

So, I wrote a décima today. It’s been a while since I’ve shared one because Ronovan Writes has a Sijo challenge now, but here you go. It started out positive. I wrote the second and third lines first, inspired by a Bible verse (link goes to a different translation from the one I used but close enough 🙂 ). However, then I had An Afternoon.

I tried, people, I tried. -_-


There’s a crown of worth unfading:
For this I struggle and press on,
With Christ in me to make me strong
Into unknown waters wading.

Here come attacks aggravating
Already-strong onslaughts, keeping
Me laughably close to weeping,
No matter prayers and platitudes.
All of the strength that I’d accrued
Was used earlier – I’m sleeping.

person sleeping beside dead leaves
Photo by Alan Cabello on Pexels.com

Bonus! Here’s a shadorma I wrote this morning about trusting God, despite how hard it is. In the morning it felt possible. However, then I had An Afternoon.

path ahead
is obscurity —
but darkness
is not dark
for Someone. take a deep breath,
this must be trusted

So, when I first typed this up, I added an asterisk at the end:  *even if you are pissed at Him

I hope this isn’t like the video game Portal, where “the cake is a lie.” I feel like all the metaphorical cake in this world is not worth going through this over. and. over. again.

Yesterday, in the livestreamed rosary group that I’m still a part of (I have written about it before at some point), I wrote about some of my difficulty with depression / wanting to die, etc. and somebody told me to “seek the Lord.” Thankfully I stopped myself from actually typing back, “What a GREAT idea!! Wish I’d thought of that!” What do you think I’ve been doing? I mean, we had just gotten done with the rosary! AAAAARGH F***!

You Don't Say?

Thank you for reading my versified tantrum. I am assuming that you are reading. 🙂

Gift Today

I wrote this shadorma yesterday. It was a very joyful day, especially in the morning. Linking with the Friday Writings, where the prompt has to do with peace, but the prompt is optional. I suppose it is peaceful to be enjoying the day and to not have a random mood swing!


joy-bubbles
rising in heart-glass:
drink it up,
notice it,
mysterious loveliness
in ephemera

 

The Edges of Janus’s Face

(a depiction of the Roman god Janus, for which
this month is named)

I wasn’t going to post this, but it does work for the Rimas Dissolutas prompt at DVerse, which I was / am really excited about, and it’s not that bad. 🙂 I am planning on trying to write one in French because this is a French poetry form.


Bitter tears greeted the new year,
Shortly before she went to sleep
Grudgingly, angry at Heaven
Which remained far out of her reach.

The next several days seemed to veer
In a hopeful direction: Keep
Trusting God, see what He’s given,
Open to what He wants to teach! Continue reading

Collections

Today’s stream-of-consciousness Saturday prompt is “collect.”

Obviously, I thought of the verb “to collect” something, which led to the things that I used to collect, most notably stickers. I remember very proudly counting all of my stickers, one by one, and finding that I had over a thousand! I also used to collect stuffed animals (I still have a collection, but now my collection is down to a couple dozen and not a couple hundred!). I guess you could say that I collect books now, because I have many, many books on my bookshelf, which I may never read again, and despite the sheer number of books that I have yet to read, I still get tempted to buy more. So, I collect books, and they tend to collect dust. I think what I collect most is WORDS — my own and other people’s. Between all of my journals and notebooks, plus every book, I have probably collected millions of words. 😀

Also, every day we’re alive, we collect more memories, even as some memories are lost to the flow of time… I will stop my stream-of-consciousness before I get pulled into the whitewater rapids of melancholy.

collections:
varied memories
stickers, books
fluffy things
some of which has gone away
much collecting dust

Palinode

Although this is a bit late, when I saw that DVerse was challenging us to write a palinode for this week’s Meeting the Bar, I had to participate. I almost never write these, but they are special to me: Back when I was an atheist, I wrote three poems about how God probably doesn’t exist. After I became a Christian, I felt bad about it. Then, during the next NaPoWriMo, one of the prompts was to write a palinode, and so I wrote a palinode for each one of those anti-God poems, retracting their statements. It was a healing exercise for me, and when I read the story of Jesus and Saint Peter in John chapter 21, I was floored!

Today’s palinode has nothing to do with that, but I really wanted to share that background story. This is, instead, written as a response to the shadorma I wrote yesterday (click here).

Continue reading