A Place to Live

I wrote 5 poems today, which isn’t a bad number, but the poems themselves might be. 🙂 It might be fun to participate in some sort of poetry workshop — as long as no one would mercilessly rip my creations to shreds.

This poem form is called a Marianne for some reason. It was inspired in part by today’s Gospel passage.

Holding your hand —
I miss how strong it felt.
But that is not my promised land,
That house is built
On sand.


Stream of Consciousness and Pie

For SoCS: “on your/my plate.”

Today I didn’t have much on my plate. It being Saturday, that’s laundry day in my house, but I am one of those weird people who likes to do laundry. 🙂 Other than that, the day had mostly pleasant things to offer. One of the most pleasant things was the pie on my plate for lunch. I ate pumpkin pie and berry pie, plus a little bit of cheesy potatoes and some homemade applesauce, so pie was basically the main dish. Best of all, I don’t even regret it. Take that, anorexia!

Speaking of which, the eating disorder does come up all the time, but it’s mostly thoughts and feelings, not actions so much. It used to be like a full-time job, just managing that disease so that I wouldn’t end up in 24/7 care again (yes, again). Talk about having a lot on your plate! In 24/7 care, pretty much all you do is eat and go to therapy and eat and do more therapy and eat, LOL.

I was going to go to the café again today to write, as writing poems was another item on my plate today, but I did not do that. Poetry writing is an integral part of my day, whether or not I post. I have a good (in my opinion) poem to share with you, but unfortunately it is not done.

It’s fun eating bunches of pie,
Stomach and sweet tooth to satisfy,
But better is writing some poems,
Because then I feel like I’m home.

Sorry my brain doesn’t seem to be working well enough to write more than a little quatrain for SoC!

writer’s block
is really a shame
dot dot dot

stay tuned
for more writing
but not too close to now
tomorrow at the earliest
I think


The one poem that I was able to extract from my overloaded and emotionally drained mind yesterday:

I will hear soon
Along with instruments,
After a day so difficult
Let’s sing

I forced myself to go to choir practice for the first time in almost a year, despite feeling completely inadequate. It was better to be there than not to be there.

Happy Place

It is Stream-of-Consciousness Saturday again, and Linda prompts us to write about a “happy place.” To start, here’s a very simple little poem:

I write, in my happy place,
With coffee and my plushie kangaroo.
But really, my happy place
Is anywhere with you.

I wasn’t going to include the kangaroo, but that’s how streams of consciousness go oftentimes. *laughs*

I love to write in the morning, and writing is my happy “place.” Even when I just get a little bit of inspiration and can’t finish something in one sitting, I feel happy and more fulfilled.

Also, my “happy place” is with my few good friends because we have fun, and I feel safe to be my true and somewhat crazy self. Sometimes, distance or other life events cause friendships to drift apart or end, but I am grateful for those people who have stayed by me.

My stream of consciousness has given me a cinquain!

Good friends:
What a great gift,
Presence keeps on giving,
For love is never exhausted,

I’d Cease…

I'd cease
To exist, if
God You stopped loving me,
That's what I've heard some people say --
So stop. 

Posting because why not. Sorry about the doom and sadness, but that’s where I’m at. Swings are fun; mood swings are not. I’ve found some happy things but can’t write a happy poem. 

Update: I did write a happy poem tonight.

The Devil

Why not share this poem that I literally just wrote, directly into WordPress? Pretty much stream-of-consciousness style, a chain of cinquains.

Six years ago,
The devil absconded
With my ability to hope
For good —
For long.
Gratitude and happiness fly
On thin gossamer wings,
And I try to
Catch them —
Successful yet
They escape from my grasp,
Suddenly there is no meaning
To days.
As days
Pile upon each other without
My full consent, I hope
One day to hope


I’m glad to write this because, despite having a few ideas today, nothing much was completed. Additionally, as usual, it’s not like today was that bad; I just feel a sense of worthlessness and wishing things could just be done, overall. However, I don’t want to annoy my friends again. Yes, again. Last night I was a nightmare…

A Mirror into My Brain

For today’s blog update, I have 2 poems that I wrote today. One of them, the cherita, was inspired partly by a prior FOWC (yesterday’s, which was the word “prior.” 🙂 ). The second poem is a mirror cinquain. Some of these things I just have to get out….

"Not in Remission"

"Some people have got real problems."

Sometimes stuff happens which makes
Everything prior seem inconsequential.

Anxiety came, depression deepened, perfectionism
Metastatized and I even after everything
Still feel that cancer crawling in my bones.

So much
Going on day to day,
Feeling like Atlas, what weight to

Hold it
For a moment, many moments,
So much awareness of 

The people who see me at church usually think I’m vivacious and extroverted; someone recently called me “a delight to be around,” and a coworker became one of the roughly 30 people who have declared me “adorable.” That’s really funny because it’s not like I’m lying about who I really am, yet spend a couple of hours in my brain on more or less ANY day, and you’ll see how wrong that perception is! It’s paradoxical.

Seas, Islands, and Sharks

Even when I have difficulty, or when it’s been a long day, responding to prompts and posting to my blog is a hobby of mine (as you know), so here is a little poem.

Of trial —
Words are the islands
On which I find safe shelter


For FOWC: Sea and partially inspired by DVerse’s Habun Monday because I used the idea of “shelter,” but I’m not linking up because this isn’t a haibun.

Here is FFFC: #182. The picture reminded me of my ex and me because we would do jigsaw puzzles in the park together (that’s another of my hobbies — puzzles). Before we were dating, we would use that as an excuse to sit really close to each other or “accidentally” brush our hands together. It was one of those cute but ridiculous things. One puzzle had a bunch of different sharks on it, so that is what this cherita is inspired by.


I thought the pieces fit together, didn't you?

A couple dozen sharks with so much ocean between them,
Several times we tried to finish the picture

We never did finish that thousand-piece puzzle.
Now it's too late, for time flows forward.
There are plenty of other "sharks" in the sea.