Just some anxiety tonight… written for FOWC: Tsunami because I thought it would be better to post than not.
A tsunami of feelings Is trapped inside of me, Too big for this body. It pushes against The inside of my skin -- Pressure from the water within. There is too much truth Getting ready to show itself, Even if no one wants to know.
I’m participating in Fandango’s Flashback Friday today, since I haven’t done so in a while. It was fun to take a look at a few of my past poems from previous poetry-writing months. This poem is called a Fold, and I titled it “Words.” More information is at the original link.
Like a sneaky army arrive
Internal thoughts which criticize,
I’ve thought them dead but they survive
Strong blasts of positive affirmations.
When will I at happiness arrive?
There is a rain cloud outside, suddenly
Saddening my eyes, which were alive
Wit dancing light. A mind at war with
Itself — A countdown : five
Four three two one I will explode
If deliverance does not today arrive.
For NaPoWriMo day 15 — wow, halfway through already? — I responded to today’s SoCS and wrote a poem form called a Juuichi. I’m not depressed today, by the way. This is just what popped out of my brain in a short amount of time.
Depression
Is monotone, speaks
Sluggishly, makes me
Reticent to share,
Impaired
Inspired by MVB: Soda.
If only my mood Could rise like Baking soda, I could make Something yummy Out of the ingredients Of this life. But my flour Rebelled Against being In the oven: I'd give anything To be made of Different stuff.
Today, WordPress asks us about our favorite type of weather. It reminded me of my least favorite type of weather: heavy rain, especially prolonged rain. This is, unfortunately, the type of weather we have been experiencing lately, which has been horrible for my mental health and at least part of the reason why I have been having such a hard time for the past 2 or 3 weeks. Today — hooray! — we had a fairly warm day with plenty of sunshine.
Sun
Shining
Happiness
Upon the Earth,
Warming ground and grass:
Shine on my upturned face
To renew mind and body,
And help my hope to replenish,
For I’m thirsting for your healing rays,
That I may smile for many days to come.
For Linda’s SoCS: “the last thing you emptied.”
Reservoir of sanity:
Can it be empty?
Cannot easily find more,
And it’s so costly.
Can you help me look for some,
For it has gone missing?
Serotonin’s really scarce,
Life hurts with such a sting.
If I were a car I’d be
Out of gas completely.
For Ronovan Writes’s sijo prompt. Our theme is patience. Maybe next week’s theme will be “discouragement.” I’ve certainly been feeling a lot of that. Depression is a [expletive], dear readers.
Wanting a different life, unable to reach it right now,
Trying to take the right steps, yet tired of trying with no success,
I must believe that one day it will come — that this is not the end.
It’s time for my Tuesday-evening Sijo! This week’s theme is temptation. The first topic that I thought of is Jesus’s temptation in the desert, which was the Gospel reading on Sunday, but I wrote about something else:
When the darkness descends, when it invades, taking me captive,
I am tempted to think there is no light — yet I keep searching,
Until after excruciating pain, I find it right by me.
I wrote a cherita for FOWC: Hinder, MVB: Melancholy, and MLMM’s Sunday Confessionals. It’s not about a yearning from that long ago, not specifically, but on a deeper level I guess it is about the longing for hope and being deeply loved.
Your melancholy nature does not hinder you from laughing, From leaning over wheezing from so much merriment; and My melancholy nature does not hinder me from finding So much hope in the mere presence of such a man -- When Our eyes meet it is as two hearts are beating in unison; come, Help me find the words to songs heretofore unsung.
I spoke too soon about the depression. I got triggered by my friend not being there and not being able to het a hold of them, so now I feel suicidal again. It’s a fragile, fragile thing. God likes to make things go to shit the minute I start celebrating.
It’s barely 7:30, but I want to go to bed because I don’t want to be awake. But I keep on crying my eyes out.
revivedwriter 