Hey look, a dog!

I love when I am walking and see a dog. The bad part is, right when the dog gets close, its owner pulls it away, so as not to “bother” me. But it’s like, “No, I want to be bothered by your dog!”

a golden retriever lying on green grass field
Photo by Barnabas Davoti on Pexels.com

I am feeling extra depressed today, so am Just Jotting. Maybe I will go to the coffee shop. Part of my depression is that I’m not getting enough hours at work, but I’m not sure how functional I’d be at work, anyway. I image-searched “sad coffee” and found this:

Images: sad face black and white | Black and white of sad face on mug or coffee cup on wood ...

Apathy in 40 Words

Nothing sounds fun. 
Music, reading, even writing
Fill me with apathy:

So much nothing
It has a weight
In my chest and belly,
On my shoulders --

Yet still I live,
Getting older, 
Getting through drudgery,
Until life smiles on me. 

This depressing poem is brought to you by 3 prompts: FOWC: Drudgery, MVB: Fun, and Sammi Scribbles’ weekend writing prompt. One thing I’m grateful for: even though nothing sounds fun, I still can write stuff. I also sat down at the piano for 5 or 10 minutes earlier this morning. 

wk-296-apathy

Never Giving Up

I will never throw in the towel when it comes to writing. I may not blog every day (despite wanting to participate daily in JusJoJan), but I write every day, both poetry and in a journal. Also, at this point, I will never throw in the towel when it comes to praying the rosary, as I have done so every day for probably 6 years (thanks be to God). It seems more likely that I will throw in the towel on all of life before stopping those 2 things! Nevermind that giving up on life does sometimes seem likely….but that is a whole other topic!

I am never giving up:
Standing in the storm,
Underneath is solid rock,
Something keeps me warm.

Throwing in the towel is no
Option now for me,
I’ll use it to dry my tears
When sun comes to me.

(Just realized I rhymed “me” with “me” — that’s stream-of-consciousness writing for you)

Counting On…

Hello, once again I broke my resolution and did not post yesterday. After going to work and then to an event at my church, I was much too tired and ended up sleeping for almost 12 hours last night. That has become almost usual for me lately, maybe because of depression, although I didn’t used to sleep that much! However, these days, I’ll sleep 10 to 12 hours every day / night — you can count on it.

However, another thing I can count on is my friends. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love when they check in on me or text just to say hi. I can count on every day to have good things, such as yesterday’s fun event and nice prayer time at my church. You can count on the fact that I will do some writing, whether or not I post, and I’m hoping to share a poem later today.

Life’s Orchestra

The prompt for JusJoJan is “complaint.” Also for MVB: Melody. Depression really is an illness, because I don’t have any real complaints about my life (other than the fact that I can’t yet drive, and it’s going to take me forever to learn well). However, I wrote this poem, thinking about how depression sucks the life out of life. If that makes sense.


All the beauty depression dims, 
Makes me sleep, when I should
Keep my eyes open:
Lack of an attention span
Truncates melodies, where
Once I would listen fully,
Sensing more than discordant 
Harmonies, and appreciating 
All the different instruments 
In life's amazing orchestral piece. 
Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

A Promise

As I often do, I have a sijo to share on this lovely Tuesday evening. Our theme this week was “Promise.”


I will spend every day, of the rest of my life with you,
I will treat you with kindness, love as befits this sacred union
Of body-soul composite: This promise I make to myself.

Ronovan Writes Sijo Challenge Image

The word for JusJoJan was “periwinkle.” I know that’s a flower, as well as a color, but I always think about the color, particularly the Crayola crayon and how every kid in elementary school wanted that cool crayon box with 64 colors.

I’m also fascinated by the symbolic meaning of flowers, and according to this site, periwinkles have been a symbol of hope and “have a long history of representing love, protection, and loyalty.” For that reason I think they fit well with my sijo above.

spilled milk decorated with flowers with leaves on table
Photo by Jill Burrow on Pexels.com

Predictive Text is Inspiring

Today’s prompt for SoCS / JusJoJan is “out of the box.” Sometimes, the predictive text on my phone furnishes out-of-the-box poetry ideas. Case in point: Today I was texting my friend that I would like to go to Mass with her tomorrow, and my phone predicted “…Mass with the night.” So that’s the title of this poem, which is a cherita.


ย 

On Sundays I go to Mass, no matter

How I feel: Sometimes I go, with depression
Like the night inside of me, soul carrying

Much; happiness does not even ensue
When I'm sitting in the pew, yet my burden
Might be a tiny tiny bit lighter.

*(sometimes it's not, and that's okay too)

But Bright

I would not normally have posted this, but I don’t want to break my resolution to participate each day in JusJoJan, so here you go. ๐Ÿ™‚ Please share your thoughts!


ย 

Overcast is the sky
But bright, the day happy:
Although I may not see

~ A future lies in store ~ 

One with much happiness
Even with rough patches,
Dark will not overcome


I am often very inquisitive about my moods and what causes them. I noticed that having a couple of hours to read today really helped! However, too much of that and I can get stuck in myself, like, “Oh no, I can’t read anymore, what do I do now, what if I take another nap?” The truth is, even if I once again take a nap in the middle of the day, that doesn’t mean I’ve lost. ๐Ÿ™‚

New Year’s Questions

Today, just for fun, I am answering questions for the Wednesday Hodgepodge (the day after, on Thursday).

  • Did you set any goals for the new year this timeย lastย year? Did you meet them or miss the mark? Tell us more if you’re comfortable sharing.

I honestly do not remember, so I’ll have to look back in my journal. However, if I did make any goals, I probably failed at them. XD The way this year has been, I think a positive outcome from any resolutions is unlikely. Astrid, another blogger whose posts I like to read, says that she calls them “hopes.”ย  So here are my hopes for 2023: learning to drive, getting a better job, and staying alive. I really just want to be happy, and being able to drive will help with a lot.

peace word carved in wood
Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

  • What are three words that might describe the kind of person you were this past year or describe in some way how your life looked?

Prosaic, breakup, prayerful

  • What’s something new you ate, saw, heard, or experienced in 2022? What did you think?

My life is so boring… Working retail. It can be hard, and some customers can get angry at you for no reason, but overall I’ve had a good experience and enjoyed my job. I like being around all the people and praying silently for everyone who comes in.

  • Oxford Dictionary has announced its word of the year for 2022, and it’s this-goblin mode. Huh? Have you ever heard this phrase? Used this phrase? If you were in charge, what word would you declare word of the year for 2022?

I’ve never heard this phrase until now. However, I don’t know what a good replacement would be. Maybe Wordle, since that game was so popular. I never played it myself, but my mom did, and sometimes I would help her if she got stuck.

  • Any special plans for an end of year celebration in your house or town?

No, unfortunately. I’ll probably stay up until midnight, but I’ll also have to get up for Mass the next morning, so we’ll see. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Insert your own random thought here.

The depression was getting pretty bad today, but what helped me feel better was: my family and I watched a cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie, and then I hung out with a friend. Usually, I find this time of year extremely triggering because, aside from it getting dark so early, I feel like a disappointment and a failure, and I also hate how time passes. It’s brought to the forefront now. Last year I wanted to, let’s say, self-delete on New Year’s Eve. It’s a tough time, friends…. :/

This was fun, though! Thanks for reading!