Losing Track

It’s Quadrille Monday at the DVerse Poets virtual pub! This week’s word is track. Also written for FOWC: Medal.


We always, always kept track of grades,
Mine we always As, 
Except for one B+ 
In an AP Physics class --
That's another thing,
I took six APs --
And in academic decathlon 
I won seven medals.

And what do I have
Left of it now? 

Believe it or not, I did write something happy today, this morning. Maybe I’ll share it later. Maybe I can even try to write a second quadrille. In the meantime, here is my quadrille, based on my dumpster-fire of a life, in which all of my previous achievements have burned to invisible ashes.

The moral of this story is, if you did badly in school, none of it matters anyway!

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

I’d Cease…


I'd cease
To exist, if
God You stopped loving me,
That's what I've heard some people say --
So stop. 

Posting because why not. Sorry about the doom and sadness, but that’s where I’m at. Swings are fun; mood swings are not. I’ve found some happy things but can’t write a happy poem. 

Update: I did write a happy poem tonight.

What Is Home?

My late response to Stream-of-Consciousness Saturday (on Sunday). The word was “home.” I wrote a sevenling.

When I think of "home," I think of 
Not only having food and water,
And a place to stay and sleep.

Home is a place of mutual unconditional
Love and acceptance, of rest and relaxation.
Of being who you truly are.

And now I feel like an exile.

My life is a snafu, and every week it seems to get more hopeless. At least I posted today, for the first time in 3 days. I was going to hang out in a café and write this weekend, but there weren’t many writing ideas in my brain…

A Very Punchable Face

For DVerse’s Quadrille Monday. Our word is punch, and we write a poem in 44 words. Also for FOWC: Beginner.


 

Out of nowhere depression says,
"I'm gonna kick your ass,"
And even after years I feel a beginner
As it gets stronger, I'm outclassed.

For a day I'm down on the ground,
But I'll punch it in the face
Next time it comes around.

Not sure how poetic the phrase “I’m gonna kick your ass” is, but at least there was rhyme. The monster does seem to be getting stronger; even though I know lots of “coping skills” now and have friends and even medical help, I just can hardly handle it these days…

Sharing this image from the DVerse post:

Where does strength come from?

This is a poem I wrote today, which I am sharing with DVerse Open-Link. We are going live today, so I intend to read this aloud. Not sure if I like the ending. It is hard to end poems well, at least hard for me to do so, so I am interested in feedback (and also wanting to use Fandango’s one-word for today 🙂 ).


 

Strength comes from loving.
Strength comes from sitting with others in their sorrows,
Without attempting to convince them of better tomorrows
Just sitting, being a comfort in their crying.

Strength comes from crying.
Being what society says is strong for too long,
Finally admitting that times are terribly trying
Such that it seems a curse just to be living.

Strength comes from living.
Strength comes from loving, sitting, crying, trying.
Photo by Kat Smith on Pexels.com

So Loved

You know that you are so loved —
By whom? Just by God
And my mom?

A cruddy quinzaine poem for MLMM’s Saturday Mix. I’d like to try to write another one, but that’s where my mind’s at. Like, maybe there are 2 other people besides God and my mom (but they didn’t fit in the poem). Overall, people don’t care. Unless you say that you want to die, and even then I don’t think they care, so much as they don’t want to feel like they let someone die.  I don’t really want to die right now; it’s just the depression is horribly symptomatic (and has been for, like, years).

Love and Compassion

Today my mood was up and down. I actually cried at work and spent an hour in the back taking inventory and washing dishes because I couldn’t help customers. The good news is I didn’t get fired! 😀 Lots of variables go into my mood, but sometimes there really is no reason for the crying; it just happens at the worst times sometimes!

One thing that is special about today is that the Catholic Church celebrates the Blessed Mother Mary’s birthday today. I thought about baking a cake to celebrate. How many candles would be on it? About 2,036 give or take? 🙂 Today also marks my parents’ 38th wedding anniversary — that’s a long time!

red rower flowers in bloom
Photo by Nubia Navarro (nubikini) on Pexels.com

For today’s poem, I have a haiku in response to Ronovan Writes’s challenge:

Out of wells of woe
Comes water of deep knowing,
Compassion growing

Haiku Challenge

Embracing a Wealth of Words

Many thanks to DVerse Poetics for the fun prompt. Follow the link to discover a bunch of beautiful words. ❤ 🙂 I was going to wait until tomorrow to write for this, let alone post, but the words just needed to put themselves together into something resembling a poem. Let’s consider this a work in progress. 🙂 The prompt was to use at least 3 of the words featured in the prompt, but I embraced the challenge, or rather, multiple words embraced me and begged to be included.


This is a Danish word — I didn’t know that English had borrowed it! Since I’m currently learning Danish, I had to include it!

Not sure what to write,
Words burble out of my brain: 
Several speak to me directly,
Like a susurrus in a dream,
Wanting only to find the right space,
Their home, their ikigai --
I feel forelsket with these.
Again, don't know where they're going,
Only that I am aliferous 
And novaturient, finding 
New wings with which to fly.

Inspiration Everywhere

Welcome to Tuesday evening on my blog. Regular readers may be able to predict that I have a Sijo to share tonight. This week’s theme is Inspiration.


Whether it’s the adorable birds outside, or the scorching heat,
Whether moments of peace and gratitude, or deep depression,
If a poem comes out of it, no experience is wasted.

Ronovan Writes Sijo Challenge ImageI’ve been trying to embrace whatever happens for quite a while. Sometimes I am successful and other times… not so much! However, you’ll often hear me say, “At least I got a poem out of it!”

Another prompt today that I want to embrace is the phrase tuna salad. No idea how to put that into a poem, but I do like tuna salad sandwiches, especially on Fridays. 🙂

The Devil

Why not share this poem that I literally just wrote, directly into WordPress? Pretty much stream-of-consciousness style, a chain of cinquains.

Around
Six years ago,
The devil absconded
With my ability to hope
For good —
For long.
Gratitude and happiness fly
On thin gossamer wings,
And I try to
Catch them —
Sometimes
Successful yet
They escape from my grasp,
Suddenly there is no meaning
To days.
As days
Pile upon each other without
My full consent, I hope
One day to hope
Fully.

 


I’m glad to write this because, despite having a few ideas today, nothing much was completed. Additionally, as usual, it’s not like today was that bad; I just feel a sense of worthlessness and wishing things could just be done, overall. However, I don’t want to annoy my friends again. Yes, again. Last night I was a nightmare…