Tired but Still Writing

I feel so tired, but I have to go to work in an hour. In addition, I can’t seem to write anything even vaguely poetic. 

I can be thankful that I get to go to work (especially since lately there haven’t been as many hours because we haven’t been busy, so they haven’t needed me as much). I am also thankful for the women’s group at my church, which just happened. It is better to go than not to go. 

Even with food and coffee, I’m still so tired. 


 

Sitting here trying to write, I can be thankful for words,
For the coffee and the gentle breeze, on this sunny weekday -- 
And the warmth of friends who are like family, in sweet memories. 

A sijo for Ronovan Writes’s prompt. 

Friends’ Hearts

For this week’s One-Liner Wednesday, I have this quotation from the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen, found in my book of his quotations. 

In every friendship hearts grow and entwine themselves together, so that the two hearts seem to make only one heart with only a common thought. That is why separation is so painful; it is not so much two hearts separating, but one being torn asunder.

I think this is applicable to any true, deep friendship and does not have to be a romantic relationship.

Happy Place

It is Stream-of-Consciousness Saturday again, and Linda prompts us to write about a “happy place.” To start, here’s a very simple little poem:

I write, in my happy place,
With coffee and my plushie kangaroo.
But really, my happy place
Is anywhere with you.

I wasn’t going to include the kangaroo, but that’s how streams of consciousness go oftentimes. *laughs*

I love to write in the morning, and writing is my happy “place.” Even when I just get a little bit of inspiration and can’t finish something in one sitting, I feel happy and more fulfilled.

Also, my “happy place” is with my few good friends because we have fun, and I feel safe to be my true and somewhat crazy self. Sometimes, distance or other life events cause friendships to drift apart or end, but I am grateful for those people who have stayed by me.

My stream of consciousness has given me a cinquain!

Good friends:
What a great gift,
Presence keeps on giving,
For love is never exhausted,
Flowing

Ten Things of Thankful

After seeing Astrid’s post and thinking about my day today (it’s late afternoon), I wanted to write a post for Ten Things of Thankful (TToT). This is my first contribution to that link-up. 🙂

  1. First of all, and probably most importantly, I am not feeling so depressed today, due to a few happy things that happened and also, probably, pure luck. Also, God must have decided not to actually let the depression get the better of me, although He tends to let me wallow in it. Sometimes I think God is a little sadistic, but that doesn’t ring true with what I know and am taught about God, so I try to believe what I know and not how I feel all the time.
  2. I am thankful for the time spent with a friend today. This is a good friend from college whom I am still close with, and we see each other every few weeks or so.
  3. I am thankful for what we decided to do this morning: take a walk in a big park. I hadn’t done that in quite a while, and the weather was perfect for it today.
  4. The weather was cool enough to enjoy being outside, yet I did not need a jacket, and the sky was a bit gray but not too overcast. Now it is a nice blue. 😀
  5. I am grateful for a new flavor of soda that I got to try today. Also, this soda is only 5 calories for the whole bottle. I’m not supposed to be concerning myself with calories and that stuff, but it does make me feel better to know that this soda is not bad for me.
  6. I am grateful for all the cute little doggies and the fearless squirrel that we saw in the park.

a golden retriever lying on green grass field
Photo by Barnabas Davoti on Pexels.com

7. I am grateful for Youtube. There is good Catholic teaching on there, as well as rosaries and other prayers, and even a community in the form of live-streamed prayer groups.

8. I am grateful for my job. I like having money 🙂 and although I don’t always want to go in to work, I usually feel better once my workday starts, and by the time it is finished, I feel productive and like my life matters a little more. In general, I enjoy my job, even though I am technically overqualified.

9. This is where the gratitude list is getting tough, but I really want to reach 10 things…. I am grateful for my plushie kangaroo because it makes me smile every day.

Kangaroo and Rosary 6_20

Here is my kangaroo, pictured with my rosary and a one-decade rosary ring,
which it is “holding,” because apparently my kangaroo is Catholic too.

10. I am grateful for my brain, because even though it makes me feel depressed a LOT, it is pretty smart, and it likes to write. I like that I like to write, especially poetry! 😀

11. Oooh, I have an eleventh thing! I am grateful that the coffee stain came out of my white robe!

Strong Towers

This poem, written in blank verse, was inspired by this page that I colored today. Yesterday some exemplary friends helped me. It was the kind of situation where I couldn’t be left alone, but they went out of their way to help me and show me love. 

Flowers with a Bible verse
The name of God is like a tower strong,
There's safety found within its stalwart walls, 
And mercy gives a multitude of gifts. 
True friends have come, responding to the call
Of great distress, have kept me loved and safe, 
Have seen the gravity of pain and fear --
Yet also have assured that they stay near. 

Books are Friends

Another quotation from the amazing Archbishop Fulton Sheen for One-Liner Wednesday

Books are the most wonderful friends in the world. When you meet them and pick them up, they are always ready to give you a few ideas. When you put them down, they never get mad; when you take them up again, they seem to enrich you all the more.

I Am Sad Balloon

This might sound unnecessarily dramatic,  but does anybody feel like one could die of loneliness? I’m like someone who has plenty to eat but can’t digest: I can go to church or hang out with a friend or text someone, but it only “lasts” for a couple of hours before I feel as if it never happened. That’s not to say that I am not grateful that it did happen; I just no longer feel it, like a balloon that was inflated but quickly deflated. 

I did an image search for “sad balloon”

Granted, I do get over-sensitive, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask to want people to text me back. When I get like this, 10 minutes can feel like torture, and I’ve been waiting more than 4 hours. I have tried to make time pass more quickly by sleeping, as not much actually sounds like fun (except typing a diatribe on my blog). I’ve texted multiple friends and no one has said anything. WHY DO PEOPLE SUCK SO MUCH??? 

 

I am sad balloon
Put me out of misery
Many puncture wounds 

Masterpiece! 😂

Obviously  I need some changes. And even more professional help. 😬 I’m probably going to end up dying, and everybody’s going to say, “We nEvER eVEn SaW tHe sIgNS,” because people are really fuuuuuudging stupid! 

people are selfish
but i love them anyway
fucking idiots

Whoops I dropped an F bomb. 💣 🤪 

Wallpaper

Linda G. Hill gives us the word “wallpaper” to work with for SoCS today. As I had absolutely nothing to say about wallpaper, I decided to do am image search and see if anything from that inspired me. The pictures most near the top were of cell-phone wallpapers, which I didn’t even think about; I was thinking about literal decorative sticky paper on actual walls. Traditional wallpaper, I guess you could say. 🙂

The wallpaper on my phone is a photo taken from the pier at one of the local beaches. You can see the shoreline on the lift side of the photo, but most of the image is blue sky and ocean of a deeper blue. I remember when I took that picture: I was there with a friend from high school (we’ve more or less lost touch now), and we were going to eat burgers and drink milkshakes. I remember, doing that scared me so much because I was near the beginning of my eating disorder recovery journey. Thoughts like, “You want me to go to the beach, and eat a burger, and drink a milkshake, in the SAME DAY?!” were prominent. I refused to wear a bathing suit, so we didn’t go swimming, but we did eat that stuff, and we had a really fun day. At least I wore shorts and short sleeves. I remember, even though it was a huge challenge, that day was a major win for me!

I’ve come a long way, even if it doesn’t often feel like it.

 

You've come a long way, through the wind and the waves,
To find a blue sky and a safe place to stay.

The steps and the strides might be tiny or wide,
But in taking just one, one can be satisfied.

Remember the places from which you have come,
It has been a long road, and although you're not done,

Sometimes the wind and the waves want to play:
A milkshake and fries aren't too scary today. 

Prompt Responses

Author’s note: this is a rant and probably TMI, but I do not care. Read at your own peril.

Obviously, this is my just-for-fun (and holding on to whatever shreds of sanity I have left) blog, and I am not obliged to post every day, but I wanted to respond to the one-word challenges. I am using plenty of commas, since that is the word for MVB today, and MVB stands for “My Vivid Blog,” by the way. 🙂

Some people spell the word “coma” with two ms, which is confusing. Being stuck in a coma is bad, but being stuck in a comma would be even worse, as you would never even finish your sentence.

Also, is it just me, or do most people suck at being friends? I hope I’m not among that number, although I probably am, especially on really-depressed days (like yesterday, today, etc.). They’re not obliged to respond to my texts or anything, but really, I was so distraught yesterday and no one was responding to me. Thank God for the new emergency number, LOL.

As always, as long as I am breathing, I am writing; today I have finished 2 poems, am in the middle of 2 others, and have space — at least my muse is hopeful — for 3 more.

Well, whether this post was amusing or a bore, I’ll end it here. Thank you for anyone who read the whole thing, whether you would agree with some of the things I’m saying or would argue that I shouldn’t post this stuff. 🙂 See, I fulfilled another challenge! 😀