Happy New Year

Little steps:
Something to be proud of
As the world begins something brand-new

A new job
The world sees as little,
But gives me and others happiness

Broken up,
I am hoping to be
Put back together somehow better

Linda is hosting JusJoJan again this year — thank you, Linda! The prompt word is “resolution.” I don’t have any resolutions, other than to participate in JusJoJan, i.e. to post every day in January.

This poem was written this morning after reading some encouragement from a friend. I had been feeling down on myself because I didn’t get as far as I wanted to get in 2022. She reminded me that even “little progress” is “something to be proud of.”

Here’s some smiley-face pancakes!

Sijo: Gifts

As usual, here is my sijo for this week’s prompt, “gift,” the night before it is “due.” 🙂

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About a dozen gifts for me, wrapped under the Christmas tree:
There is much to appreciate, but among my favorites are
A book to take me far away, and a blanket to keep me warm.

(Another favorite was a very squishy and cute plushie cat, which I have decided to name Squishy.)

For a Friend

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad and happy at the same time. It’s okay to have your heart hurting while another’s is bursting with joy.

I’m writing this for a friend. That friend is me. That friend would probably want to die, if not for the psychiatric meds that keep her alive. The only present she wants is love and to feel special, but that can’t be bought or fit under the tree. She wants to be worth a diamond ring to somebody.

Her heart hurts, when she wishes she was happy, and that has to be okay.

Best of 2022

This week’s Cosmic Photo Challenge is “The Best of 2022.” I’m torn between having another existential crisis at the passage of this year and being at peace with it. In any case, I’ll celebrate the good times. 🙂 

I found this painted tree stump on a walk in March.

Would any post about 2022 be complete without including the kangaroo?

I got to go to this BEAUTIFUL abbey church in October.

I really like this photo of the Joy Advent Candle, taken last week, especially the symbolism behind it.

Praise Anyway

I’m not entirely pleased with how this turned out but will share it for SoCS anyway. 🙂

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Praise:
Sometimes
Difficult.
There are always
Tiny little gems
Which shine throughout the day,
Despite lingering darkness.
To be thankful for in the end,
Reminders of God’s enduring love.

I have depression but can have many happy days anyway. I can have a really hard day but can call it a good day anyway (I don’t really believe in bad days, only hard days).

A Contradiction

A depressed optimist: 
A contradiction,
Yet ringing true,
For I see sunlight
And hear beautiful music,
Voices of loved ones,
Feeling happiness in my heart. 

Filling up with joy
Yet deflating, like
A "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" balloon
A week afterward. 

I apologize; my stream of consciousness is still dark. Maybe I’m addicted to writing about depression.  🙃 

Tired but Still Writing

I feel so tired, but I have to go to work in an hour. In addition, I can’t seem to write anything even vaguely poetic. 

I can be thankful that I get to go to work (especially since lately there haven’t been as many hours because we haven’t been busy, so they haven’t needed me as much). I am also thankful for the women’s group at my church, which just happened. It is better to go than not to go. 

Even with food and coffee, I’m still so tired. 

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Sitting here trying to write, I can be thankful for words,
For the coffee and the gentle breeze, on this sunny weekday -- 
And the warmth of friends who are like family, in sweet memories. 

A sijo for Ronovan Writes’s prompt. 

Table Full

For “What Do You See” #161:

Table full
Of food to share with all,
Gathered 'round to share companionship

Over brunch,
With coffees and waffles,
And all manner of tasty goodness

Not only 
Food but togetherness:
Bonds strengthened, forever remembered. 

Stream of Consciousness and Pie

For SoCS: “on your/my plate.”

Today I didn’t have much on my plate. It being Saturday, that’s laundry day in my house, but I am one of those weird people who likes to do laundry. 🙂 Other than that, the day had mostly pleasant things to offer. One of the most pleasant things was the pie on my plate for lunch. I ate pumpkin pie and berry pie, plus a little bit of cheesy potatoes and some homemade applesauce, so pie was basically the main dish. Best of all, I don’t even regret it. Take that, anorexia!

Speaking of which, the eating disorder does come up all the time, but it’s mostly thoughts and feelings, not actions so much. It used to be like a full-time job, just managing that disease so that I wouldn’t end up in 24/7 care again (yes, again). Talk about having a lot on your plate! In 24/7 care, pretty much all you do is eat and go to therapy and eat and do more therapy and eat, LOL.

I was going to go to the café again today to write, as writing poems was another item on my plate today, but I did not do that. Poetry writing is an integral part of my day, whether or not I post. I have a good (in my opinion) poem to share with you, but unfortunately it is not done.

It’s fun eating bunches of pie,
Stomach and sweet tooth to satisfy,
But better is writing some poems,
Because then I feel like I’m home.

Sorry my brain doesn’t seem to be working well enough to write more than a little quatrain for SoC!

writer’s block
is really a shame
dot dot dot
…
…

stay tuned
for more writing
but not too close to now
tomorrow at the earliest
I think

Morning in the Evening

Today’s Stream-of-Consciousness Saturday prompt was “morning,” yet here it is very firmly evening and I am finally trying to respond. I often write poems about the morning-time, simply because I am a morning person and find it more inspiring. In fact, lately, after about 4 p.m. I have been wishing that the day could just end. Maybe that’s the depression talking. My friend thinks I’m becoming better because I have expressed interest in things like getting another job, but I don’t really think I’m getting better. That has nothing to do with the morning, but this is SoC so anything goes.

I have written a few short poems today but nothing having to do with the morning. Not even mourning. I did write one about growing (or lack thereof). It’s not good.

In the morning I get to go to Mass! We are celebrating Christ the King Sunday, and then next Sunday, the season of Advent begins!

Uggggghhhhh I really want to share a poem with you guys; that’s what this blog is supposed to be about.

The morning time is favorite time of day,
The afternoon I’ll often wish away
If I’m at home; sometimes I get to work,
My duties I try so hard not to shirk.
And I will get free ice cream anyway.
YAY!