Losing Track

It’s Quadrille Monday at the DVerse Poets virtual pub! This week’s word is track. Also written for FOWC: Medal.

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We always, always kept track of grades,
Mine we always As, 
Except for one B+ 
In an AP Physics class --
That's another thing,
I took six APs --
And in academic decathlon 
I won seven medals.

And what do I have
Left of it now? 

Believe it or not, I did write something happy today, this morning. Maybe I’ll share it later. Maybe I can even try to write a second quadrille. In the meantime, here is my quadrille, based on my dumpster-fire of a life, in which all of my previous achievements have burned to invisible ashes.

The moral of this story is, if you did badly in school, none of it matters anyway!

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Ouch

M-R-S degree:
Not life’s entire attainment
But I can’t help it —
Want someone to share my life,
Someone to accept my love

This tanka was inspired by the wordle below from MLMM. The word “marriage” specifically led to me writing this. The point of a wordle is to use most / all of the words, but I’m still linking up.

A couple of months ago, my bf and I of 15 months broke up, since his mother decided that she didn’t like me, for the sole reason that I have an entry-level job. It has been a really hard process, especially because my ex hardly even stood up and fought for me, even though he was crazy about me and all but proposed. Everyone I’ve spoken to says that A. his mother was way out of line, and B. I deserve better. Sometimes I believe that. In fact, I believed it more in the beginning, to be honest. I even got angry with my now-ex and told him to “grow some balls” — and I usually don’t use that kind of language, especially not to someone’s face!

Today it still hurts so much to be judged in such a way. It has been especially difficult because even if I “deserve better,” where can I find “better;” I don’t know?

What Is Home?

My late response to Stream-of-Consciousness Saturday (on Sunday). The word was “home.” I wrote a sevenling.

When I think of "home," I think of 
Not only having food and water,
And a place to stay and sleep.

Home is a place of mutual unconditional
Love and acceptance, of rest and relaxation.
Of being who you truly are.

And now I feel like an exile.

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My life is a snafu, and every week it seems to get more hopeless. At least I posted today, for the first time in 3 days. I was going to hang out in a café and write this weekend, but there weren’t many writing ideas in my brain…

Where does strength come from?

This is a poem I wrote today, which I am sharing with DVerse Open-Link. We are going live today, so I intend to read this aloud. Not sure if I like the ending. It is hard to end poems well, at least hard for me to do so, so I am interested in feedback (and also wanting to use Fandango’s one-word for today 🙂 ).

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Strength comes from loving.
Strength comes from sitting with others in their sorrows,
Without attempting to convince them of better tomorrows
Just sitting, being a comfort in their crying.

Strength comes from crying.
Being what society says is strong for too long,
Finally admitting that times are terribly trying
Such that it seems a curse just to be living.

Strength comes from living.
Strength comes from loving, sitting, crying, trying.

Photo by Kat Smith on Pexels.com

The Devil

Why not share this poem that I literally just wrote, directly into WordPress? Pretty much stream-of-consciousness style, a chain of cinquains.

Around
Six years ago,
The devil absconded
With my ability to hope
For good —
For long.
Gratitude and happiness fly
On thin gossamer wings,
And I try to
Catch them —
Sometimes
Successful yet
They escape from my grasp,
Suddenly there is no meaning
To days.
As days
Pile upon each other without
My full consent, I hope
One day to hope
Fully.

 

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I’m glad to write this because, despite having a few ideas today, nothing much was completed. Additionally, as usual, it’s not like today was that bad; I just feel a sense of worthlessness and wishing things could just be done, overall. However, I don’t want to annoy my friends again. Yes, again. Last night I was a nightmare…

Seas, Islands, and Sharks

Even when I have difficulty, or when it’s been a long day, responding to prompts and posting to my blog is a hobby of mine (as you know), so here is a little poem.

Seas
Of trial —
Words are the islands
On which I find safe shelter
Here.

 

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For FOWC: Sea and partially inspired by DVerse’s Habun Monday because I used the idea of “shelter,” but I’m not linking up because this isn’t a haibun.

Here is FFFC: #182. The picture reminded me of my ex and me because we would do jigsaw puzzles in the park together (that’s another of my hobbies — puzzles). Before we were dating, we would use that as an excuse to sit really close to each other or “accidentally” brush our hands together. It was one of those cute but ridiculous things. One puzzle had a bunch of different sharks on it, so that is what this cherita is inspired by.

 

I thought the pieces fit together, didn't you?

A couple dozen sharks with so much ocean between them,
Several times we tried to finish the picture

We never did finish that thousand-piece puzzle.
Now it's too late, for time flows forward.
There are plenty of other "sharks" in the sea.

Flashback Friday: August 26th

My post today is a poem that’s so old it’s new again: For Fandango’s Flashback Friday, I had a look through the archives on my blog and found this.

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For a friend I recently met [in August 2018] yet deeply miss.

“Euphemism”

She has “passed away,” leaving
Unexpected damage in her wake:
Heartache, sadness, even though I believe
She is experiencing peace and gladness.
The human spirit is a hurricane,
Raging, raging, ‘gainst the dying of the light.

 

P.S. The original post only got 2 likes, so let’s give Cindy (RIP) some more likes. 🙂

The Third Wheel

picture taken in my backyard in mid-April

For MLMM’S Saturday Mix: Lucky Dip, the poetry form is called a Septolet. It is 14 words over 7 lines, in 2 stanzas. Finally, I have written something to go with this photo; I’ve had a draft for 4 months!

"Third Wheel"

She
Forlorn flower,
Unchosen third wheel

Never preferred 
Second choice
Sees happy couple --
Sulks

This form was fun, so I write a second one (about a not-fun thing).

"Chronic" 

Depression:
Sustained assault
Sucking life dry

Vampyric leech
Underneath skin
Parasites away life --
Incurable 

SoCS: Unfold

Today’s SoCS prompt is to find a word that starts with U and use it in the post. “Bonus points if it’s the first word in your post,” Linda says.

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Unfold the paper flowers you gave me — three lilies — 

And the paper vase they cams in — so pretty! —

Stack all the pieces in a pile and 

Set them on fire

Disclaimer: no origami was harmed in the making of this poem.

Intentions and Agitation

The topic for Brian’s prompt this week is STILLNESS, and I especially wanted to write for it because it’s the last one for the foreseeable future. After 2 years (!!), Brian will be focusing on other things. 

Unfortunately, it was difficult to write a “stillness” poem, especially because I thought the theme was “intention,” so I wrote for that instead (I wrote a sijo that went with last week’s sijo challenge)! 😅

My intention was to write for "stillness."
It still is. 

teardrop on paper
smudges words written in ink --
ripples in a pond

Fun fact: I was trying to nap away my pain but got out of bed to post this.