I Am God’s Plaything…

Possibly the first time I have ever publicly responded to MLMM’s Saturday Mix: Same Same, but Different. We are given a list of 5 words and are asked to use synonyms. Follow the link for more info. This was one of my 11 poems written yesterday.


 

I am God's plaything, partnering
unwillingly with Loss, as Time
flies by, wearing fleet-footed Mercury's 
sandals -- yet the fire of Life
does not die quickly
Enough. 
               But I love so much. 
Don't ever hurry past the greenery,
Nor the moon, nor winged things of beauty.
Photo by Nina Mace Photography on Pexels.com

Driving Dreams

I.
It's nighttime, and I 
Am in the back seat --
Suddenly realize there is no
Driver. How is this thing
Going? How are we not
Crashing? And where
Is the destination?

ii.
It's daytime, amid much traffic.
I am driving, swerving,
Worried about crashing
But narrowly averting 
Every obstacle -- until I arrive
Safely, somewhere.

iii.
Once again daytime, and I 
Am both inside and outside 
The car, seeing a busy 
Intersection. After some
Successful swerving, we
Crash, and I'm both
Dead and alive.

Did I mention I can't drive? 


This was inspired by / in response to Paula’s dream interpretation #10 at MLMM. I have driving dreams a lot, especially for someone who doesn’t drive in real life, and most of them don’t turn out well, or at least they are very stressful.

Photo by Bruno Ticianelli on Pexels.com

Ouch

M-R-S degree:
Not life’s entire attainment
But I can’t help it —
Want someone to share my life,
Someone to accept my love

This tanka was inspired by the wordle below from MLMM. The word “marriage” specifically led to me writing this. The point of a wordle is to use most / all of the words, but I’m still linking up.

A couple of months ago, my bf and I of 15 months broke up, since his mother decided that she didn’t like me, for the sole reason that I have an entry-level job. It has been a really hard process, especially because my ex hardly even stood up and fought for me, even though he was crazy about me and all but proposed. Everyone I’ve spoken to says that A. his mother was way out of line, and B. I deserve better. Sometimes I believe that. In fact, I believed it more in the beginning, to be honest. I even got angry with my now-ex and told him to “grow some balls” — and I usually don’t use that kind of language, especially not to someone’s face!

Today it still hurts so much to be judged in such a way. It has been especially difficult because even if I “deserve better,” where can I find “better;” I don’t know?

So Loved

You know that you are so loved —
By whom? Just by God
And my mom?

A cruddy quinzaine poem for MLMM’s Saturday Mix. I’d like to try to write another one, but that’s where my mind’s at. Like, maybe there are 2 other people besides God and my mom (but they didn’t fit in the poem). Overall, people don’t care. Unless you say that you want to die, and even then I don’t think they care, so much as they don’t want to feel like they let someone die.  I don’t really want to die right now; it’s just the depression is horribly symptomatic (and has been for, like, years).

Not a Scratch but Beaten Up

Anxiety attacks her finding her when she is alone, bringing with him his friend Depression. They invade her mind, and she almost thinks she’s done for, that sanity will be a casualty in this fight, finally. She is no match for their combined strength, but she refuses to give up when she is knocked down. Beaten up but not entirely beaten, she calls upon her own friends from Heaven, and soon angels and saints are fighting for her. It’s a fierce fight, not won all at once, but in the end faith gives the victory. Anxiety and Depression have no choice but to flee the battlefield — until they plan another attack.


My six sentences for 6-sentence stories, also shared with MLMM’s photo challenge #428 because I pretty much felt like this picture (Photo by Marco Bianchetti on Unsplash).

My Favorite

A repost of my favorite poem I’ve ever written, for MLMM’s Sunday Confessionals, also shared with the link-up at Poets and Storytellers United. Linking with DVerse Open-link on 8/18/2022, so I will be reading it aloud.


“Call Me Hagar”

I feel alone, connection’s far tonight,
I see no smiling star tonight.

Even the moon has forgotten its light.
Shrouded, it makes the sky dark as tar tonight.

My mind sees a battlefield near:
What emotions will I need to spar tonight?

Depression, restlessness, fear, anxiety?
What demons come to wound and scar tonight?

Yet hope alone, even now, can fight
The darkness; complete despair I’ll bar tonight.

In the midst of these anxieties God sees:
I sob in God’s arms. Call me Hagar tonight.

The Third Wheel

picture taken in my backyard in mid-April

For MLMM’S Saturday Mix: Lucky Dip, the poetry form is called a Septolet. It is 14 words over 7 lines, in 2 stanzas. Finally, I have written something to go with this photo; I’ve had a draft for 4 months!

"Third Wheel"

She
Forlorn flower,
Unchosen third wheel

Never preferred 
Second choice
Sees happy couple --
Sulks

This form was fun, so I write a second one (about a not-fun thing).

"Chronic" 

Depression:
Sustained assault
Sucking life dry

Vampyric leech
Underneath skin
Parasites away life --
Incurable 

Double-Secrets

I surprised myself by writing for MLMM’s “Sunday Confessionals: Secrets.” I wasn’t going to because (if you read the prompt) even I have things I don’t want to write about. However, a book I was reading reminded me of this prompt and inspired me to try. This poem, a cherita, is a response to the poem that I wrote in response to the prompt, so it is tangentially related. 


 

I was glad to get to use this image of a painting by Magritte, called “Double Secrets.”
I wrote my poem; it took up a whole page. 

There are some things so sacred I won't 
Name them, blasting them on my blog.

You won't be witness to this catharsis
Even I don't know how deep the sea 
Of double-secrets, but the waves whisper it.

Prompt Responses

Author’s note: this is a rant and probably TMI, but I do not care. Read at your own peril.

Obviously, this is my just-for-fun (and holding on to whatever shreds of sanity I have left) blog, and I am not obliged to post every day, but I wanted to respond to the one-word challenges. I am using plenty of commas, since that is the word for MVB today, and MVB stands for “My Vivid Blog,” by the way. 🙂

Some people spell the word “coma” with two ms, which is confusing. Being stuck in a coma is bad, but being stuck in a comma would be even worse, as you would never even finish your sentence.

Also, is it just me, or do most people suck at being friends? I hope I’m not among that number, although I probably am, especially on really-depressed days (like yesterday, today, etc.). They’re not obliged to respond to my texts or anything, but really, I was so distraught yesterday and no one was responding to me. Thank God for the new emergency number, LOL.

As always, as long as I am breathing, I am writing; today I have finished 2 poems, am in the middle of 2 others, and have space — at least my muse is hopeful — for 3 more.

Well, whether this post was amusing or a bore, I’ll end it here. Thank you for anyone who read the whole thing, whether you would agree with some of the things I’m saying or would argue that I shouldn’t post this stuff. 🙂 See, I fulfilled another challenge! 😀