Struggling

So, I wrote a décima today. It’s been a while since I’ve shared one because Ronovan Writes has a Sijo challenge now, but here you go. It started out positive. I wrote the second and third lines first, inspired by a Bible verse (link goes to a different translation from the one I used but close enough 🙂 ). However, then I had An Afternoon.

I tried, people, I tried. -_-


There’s a crown of worth unfading:
For this I struggle and press on,
With Christ in me to make me strong
Into unknown waters wading.

Here come attacks aggravating
Already-strong onslaughts, keeping
Me laughably close to weeping,
No matter prayers and platitudes.
All of the strength that I’d accrued
Was used earlier – I’m sleeping.

person sleeping beside dead leaves
Photo by Alan Cabello on Pexels.com

Bonus! Here’s a shadorma I wrote this morning about trusting God, despite how hard it is. In the morning it felt possible. However, then I had An Afternoon.

path ahead
is obscurity —
but darkness
is not dark
for Someone. take a deep breath,
this must be trusted

So, when I first typed this up, I added an asterisk at the end:  *even if you are pissed at Him

I hope this isn’t like the video game Portal, where “the cake is a lie.” I feel like all the metaphorical cake in this world is not worth going through this over. and. over. again.

Yesterday, in the livestreamed rosary group that I’m still a part of (I have written about it before at some point), I wrote about some of my difficulty with depression / wanting to die, etc. and somebody told me to “seek the Lord.” Thankfully I stopped myself from actually typing back, “What a GREAT idea!! Wish I’d thought of that!” What do you think I’ve been doing? I mean, we had just gotten done with the rosary! AAAAARGH F***!

You Don't Say?

Thank you for reading my versified tantrum. I am assuming that you are reading. 🙂

Empty Words

A last-minute post before I go to sleep. For FOWC: Platitude. I really feel this. I wrote this poem appropriately one minute ago. 


Don’t say only, “I’ll pray for you,”

Which I don’t mind as long as you

Follow through, but make it more than a 

Platitude: Don’t you think these tears

Could be alleviated by proximity, more than

Secret, hidden intercession with Divinity?

Please don’t leave me alone. 

 

 


I am a Christian who believes that prayer can help things. I equally believe that we are called to do more than “just” pray, if we can. EVEN THE BOOK OF JAMES SAYS THIS. 

The caps lock was accidental, but I’m keeping it because it’s actually perfect! 

That is all. Good night. 

Bouquets of Roses

Woman
Clothed with the sun,
The moon under her feet,
And on her head a diadem:
Twelve stars

Mother
Of Christ’s body,
Praying for her children:
Let’s give her bouquets of roses
Today

Happy Mother’s Day!

Our Lady in Revelation 12:1 - "And a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed in the sun ...

Journal… Have fun reading

I’ve been nervous for today. I’m going to be all alone all day, and it’s really bad timing because satan hates me. 😅

In addition, my phone reminded me that three years ago today was a really tough day. Long story short, my friend knew that I was in a horrific mind-place, so she all but kidnapped me and forced me to hang out with her and some friends, watching Legally Blonde, eating pizza, and playing with a little dog. Then, she didn’t let me go home until I was 95% asleep. 

My phone reminded me of this by bringing up the photos of that dog. 

I’m trying to make this day good, though! At least I am reminded of how much that friend loved me. 😊 We’ve pretty much lost touch, but I pray for her every. Single. Day. What she did is really the pinnacle of friendship, even though I was pissed about it at the time. 

A poem will be posted later today. 

Difficulties

As of this moment, around 5 p.m. on Tuesday evening, I have 7 poems started today and space set aside for 2 or 3 others. How many are finished? Two. Yes, I often have difficulty finishing what I’ve started, especially in a timely manner! Most of my poetry is not elegant, but especially after 2 or 3 days I don’t care and just want to write something. Here’s a haiku (or senryu? maybe even zappai??) and a reverse etheree.



Heaven forever,
Soul lifted to this reward
One catch: No shortcuts.



So,
Tell me:
Is this the
Life-giving rain,
Little fall making
Flowers grow? Or is it
Opening of the floodgates —
Oh, I know, You promised not to
Send everlasting inundation
Again — none about other destruction.

black wooden door frame
Photo by ramy Kabalan on Pexels.com

Sunday Happy-Ramble :)

Today is the first time I have participated in The Sunday Ramble, but as the theme is “Sunday, Monday, Happy Days” I thought it would be both fun and helpful for me to try it. 🙂 The Sunday Ramble includes 5 questions.

  • What is at least one thing that makes you happy today?

One of the priests at my parish has a dog, a golden retriever, and I saw him and the dog this morning. The dog’s name is Mia. The priest joked once that her name is short for “Ella es mia, no es tuya” (“she is mine, not yours”). I love that dog, and most dogs, and she recognizes me and knows how much I love her. ❤ ❤ That doesn’t mean I appreciate when she jumped on me and got light-colored dog hair all over my black shirt, before I even went into the church building. 🙂

  • What is one thing that happened last week that made you feel positive and happy?

I was really happy to see the chrysalis the other day and especially to write poems about it. Yes, poems, plural. I’ll share the other poems in a post right after this!

  • What is your positive personal mantra? (Mantra means “a statement or slogan repeated frequently” via Oxford Dictionary.)

I don’t really have one, but I like to say, “Jesus, I trust in You.” Especially when I am finding it difficult to do that! Fun fact: It happens to be Divine Mercy Sunday today.

Divine Mercy Image Vilnius

  • What is the nicest act you secretly did for someone?

Well, I can’t say, or else it would no longer be secret, would it? 😉

  • What is one hobby you would like to try?

I used to be really into needlepoint, cross-stitching, and crocheting. I would really like to get back into those.

  • Bonus Question: What is your go-to song to belt out in the shower?

Although I love to sing, I don’t usually sing in the shower. The only exception is, when I was taking a singing class in college, I would sing whatever song I was practicing in there, in the hopes that other people in my family would be less likely to hear me over the sound of the water. I think my plan backfired.

A Quiet Day Leads into Darkest Night

Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt is fantastic: to write a “curtal sonnet,” à la Gerard Manley Hopkins. The prompter explains, “A curtal sonnet has eleven lines, instead of the usual fourteen, and the last line is shorter than the ten that precede it.” I LOVE Hopkins! My words are completely irrelevant next to his immortal verse, but I’d be honored to try this. 😀 Okay, fangirling over!  Now, let’s see if I can write anything.


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Holy Thursday — Stay with Me

To all who observe Good Friday, have a blessed day! To everyone else, I still hope your Friday is good. 🙂 As could be gathered from the title, I wrote this one last night.


Watch and pray –
the second garden,
preparing for the new tree,
undoing the grave fall in Eden –
stay with Me

wooden ostensory with lit up sacramental bread in center
Photo by David Eucaristu00eda on Pexels.com

The Sinful Woman

It’s getting late, but I am here to post for day 8! I wrote several bad poems today. This one is probably the least bad. It’s sort of in an experimental form, having to do with the number of words in each line. I need to wrap up this day soon because I am SO tired!


She
Loved much —
She was forgiven.
She washed Your feet
With tears, dried them with
Her long hair – my long hair
Catches my tears. I’m nothing
If not sorry for
Sin, save me
Covered by
Love.

The Desert and the Water

This poem was inspired by the readings today at Mass, especially the beginning of the first reading (Side note: at most Masses, the readings are these, but not at this Mass, for whatever reason. Maybe it was a God thing, since I think I needed to hear that Gospel passage). The phrase, “their thirst for water” made me think of this poem, so I riffed off of that. Please read the linked poem, or else you won’t fully understand this one!


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