I Am Jealous of Saints Who Died Young

Today’s word for FOWC is “death.” I told myself, “Don’t go there, Jenna, especially since you’ve already posted today,” but here I am anyway, because it’s in my head already; I’m not going there if I already am there!

white skull on white wooden table
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

The poem is one I wrote yesterday. It was basically a stream-of-consciousness, but I think it turned out well, and it’s not even that sad. It’s not hopeless. But it’s so true: This is horrible of me to say, but I am incredibly jealous of those saints who got to die when they were, like, 23 (like St. Thérèse). In the last few years, I have sort of been aware: “Oh, I’ve lived longer than she did now. Oh, I outlived him now.”

The worst part is, sometimes I don’t even necessarily want to go to Heaven. What I mean is, sometimes it would be preferable to me if we just ceased to exist after we die. That’s what I used to think, but now, for better or for worse, I know that annihilation is not an option. If there are only 2 options, I’d rather go to the good place. 🙂

Hey, if I die at thirty-three
Like St. Faustina, that wouldn’t be
Too long to wait, would it, anymore?[*]
I have been so impatient. What’s in store
Is too scary for me, but what has been
The past 3 years is not entirely
Pain. Far from it. Tomorrow (Lord willing)
I’ll gain merit from persevering
Through grace, and that joy will serve
To erase all pain. Refrain
From worrying. One day will cease that sting.

[*] It would still be a few years. After lasting this long, though, who knows? Sometimes I wake up and am just flabbergasted that I survived all this shtuff.

Humility Is…

From my book The Wisdom of Fulton Sheen, which offers a different quotation for each day of the year, this is today’s:

Humility does not mean a submissiveness, a passiveness, a willingness to be walked on, or a desire to live in the doghouse. Humility is a virtue by which we recognize ourselves as we really are, not as we would like to be in the eyes of the public; not as our press notices say we are, but as we are in the sight of God when we examine our conscience.

For One-Liner Wednesday.

The Morning Started Late

Despite how hard it was to get out of bed this morning, it has actually been a good day, and I am so relieved to feel happy! Today is the feast day of Our Lady of Lourdes, who is associated with healings, and I’ve spent a long time wishing that God would heal me, “pronto.” It still hasn’t happened to me, but I’m happy for every good day. 🙂 I wrote this sevenling earlier today. Continue reading

Echoing Our Lady

For Flashback Friday — this is a poem from a poetry notebook of mine that I haven’t looked at for a long time. Linked with JusJoJan. I wrote this on July 4, 2018 (I need to give myself credit so as not to commit plagiarism 🙂 ).

Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum:
Let it be done to me according to your word,
According to your gracious voice,
The most beautiful I’ve ever heard.

May trust rise up, that I may say:
Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum,
Your loving will is intricate,
weaving tapestries as on a loom.

I do not see the end result today,
Yet your eyes do, Craftsman full of skill:
Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum,
I do not know, yet you always will.

May your kingdom come, and not my own,
I abdicate my throne to give you room,
you are the rightful owner of this heart:
Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum.

The Annunciation, by Leonardo da Vinci
The Annunciation, Leonardo da Vinci, via franciscanmedia.org

P.S.  I’m grateful to myself for writing this because I had totally forgotten about it and needed the reminder about what is most important. 🙂 Hope you like it, too.


Clothes Shopping is the Worst

This butterfly cinquain is for Brian’s prompt about shopping. I’ve gotten more relaxed about the things in the poem, but it’s still where my mind went. I think things have gotten better because I used to not think I was worthy to take up any space, more metaphorically, so I made myself take up literally as little space as possible. Anyway, I hate shopping, especially for clothes! Also linking with DVerse OLN.

Continue reading