A Special Memorial

Today’s stream-of-consciousness prompt was “me-” either by itself or as the beginning of another word. The first words I thought of were French — mentir [to lie], mensonge [lie] — also the words “mendacity” and “mendacious,” but as my blog is usually truthful to a fault, I did not want to write about those, either! I have a memory from this week 5 years ago of making a Funfetti cake in honor of my patron saint, whose special memorial feast day is today. Her name is Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, and she was a nun who lived and died near the end of the 19th century. She is often known as The Little Flower. 

The Little Flower Is Tougher Than You

She died at a mere 24 years of age but is considered a Doctor of the Church because of her teaching of the “Little Way.” I wrote a poem, meritorious or not, inspired by her today:

May the scent of roses guide
Through these darkened paths,
May all friends in Heaven pray
With strong love that lasts,
Send to me a heavenly rose
With aroma sweet,
Gentle guide with me always
Giving peace complete.

What Is Home?

My late response to Stream-of-Consciousness Saturday (on Sunday). The word was “home.” I wrote a sevenling.

When I think of "home," I think of 
Not only having food and water,
And a place to stay and sleep.

Home is a place of mutual unconditional
Love and acceptance, of rest and relaxation.
Of being who you truly are.

And now I feel like an exile.

My life is a snafu, and every week it seems to get more hopeless. At least I posted today, for the first time in 3 days. I was going to hang out in a café and write this weekend, but there weren’t many writing ideas in my brain…

Ten Things of Thankful

After seeing Astrid’s post and thinking about my day today (it’s late afternoon), I wanted to write a post for Ten Things of Thankful (TToT). This is my first contribution to that link-up. 🙂

  1. First of all, and probably most importantly, I am not feeling so depressed today, due to a few happy things that happened and also, probably, pure luck. Also, God must have decided not to actually let the depression get the better of me, although He tends to let me wallow in it. Sometimes I think God is a little sadistic, but that doesn’t ring true with what I know and am taught about God, so I try to believe what I know and not how I feel all the time.
  2. I am thankful for the time spent with a friend today. This is a good friend from college whom I am still close with, and we see each other every few weeks or so.
  3. I am thankful for what we decided to do this morning: take a walk in a big park. I hadn’t done that in quite a while, and the weather was perfect for it today.
  4. The weather was cool enough to enjoy being outside, yet I did not need a jacket, and the sky was a bit gray but not too overcast. Now it is a nice blue. 😀
  5. I am grateful for a new flavor of soda that I got to try today. Also, this soda is only 5 calories for the whole bottle. I’m not supposed to be concerning myself with calories and that stuff, but it does make me feel better to know that this soda is not bad for me.
  6. I am grateful for all the cute little doggies and the fearless squirrel that we saw in the park.

a golden retriever lying on green grass field
Photo by Barnabas Davoti on Pexels.com

7. I am grateful for Youtube. There is good Catholic teaching on there, as well as rosaries and other prayers, and even a community in the form of live-streamed prayer groups.

8. I am grateful for my job. I like having money 🙂 and although I don’t always want to go in to work, I usually feel better once my workday starts, and by the time it is finished, I feel productive and like my life matters a little more. In general, I enjoy my job, even though I am technically overqualified.

9. This is where the gratitude list is getting tough, but I really want to reach 10 things…. I am grateful for my plushie kangaroo because it makes me smile every day.

Kangaroo and Rosary 6_20

Here is my kangaroo, pictured with my rosary and a one-decade rosary ring,
which it is “holding,” because apparently my kangaroo is Catholic too.

10. I am grateful for my brain, because even though it makes me feel depressed a LOT, it is pretty smart, and it likes to write. I like that I like to write, especially poetry! 😀

11. Oooh, I have an eleventh thing! I am grateful that the coffee stain came out of my white robe!

Moments of Awe

For Sadje’s WDYS prompt this week: Image credit; Robert Lukeman @ Unsplash
Also for today’s SoCS about silent letters.
It has been tough for me to write anything that is good enough lately. 

See and rejoice:
Verdant valley’s sunrise,
Such scenes’ breathtaking beauty — choice
To be thankful,
Give voice

The Devil

Why not share this poem that I literally just wrote, directly into WordPress? Pretty much stream-of-consciousness style, a chain of cinquains.

Around
Six years ago,
The devil absconded
With my ability to hope
For good —
For long.
Gratitude and happiness fly
On thin gossamer wings,
And I try to
Catch them —
Sometimes
Successful yet
They escape from my grasp,
Suddenly there is no meaning
To days.
As days
Pile upon each other without
My full consent, I hope
One day to hope
Fully.

 


I’m glad to write this because, despite having a few ideas today, nothing much was completed. Additionally, as usual, it’s not like today was that bad; I just feel a sense of worthlessness and wishing things could just be done, overall. However, I don’t want to annoy my friends again. Yes, again. Last night I was a nightmare…

Not bored when writing

Today’s SoCS prompt is board / bored.


I’ve been a little bored today. I wanted to go to a café and do some extra writing, and then go pray at the church and go to Confession, but that was not possible this afternoon. Now I’m just resting a lot, sleeping, waiting for tomorrow (Sunday) morning to come around. But what comes after that? Waiting for the next morning, when I get to go to work. What’s the point of my work? I do like my work, simple as it is, and I like getting paid, but for what am I saving or using my money?

It’s times like this that I get a little extra depressed (by the way, this week has been fine on that front, thankfully). I also eat too much and get anxious….

Maybe I should find a piece of cardboard and my collection of cutouts from magazines and make a collage. I used to do that a lot but don’t remember when I made the previous one.

Even just writing this little thing has made me cheer up a bit.

Helping Hand

When I saw Sadje’s WDYS picture for this week, I immediately thought of this meme (this is just the template):

Meme Generator - High fiving drowning person - Newfa Stuff

It took me longer to come up with anything to write for it. By that I mean that I had nothing until this morning. My poem doubles as a late response to SoCS: Key. It is “Stream-of-Consciousness Sunday” this time. 🙂 This was supposed to be a rondeau, but after the first 2 lines I realized the rhyme scheme was wrong, and with SoC you can’t edit, so… voilà.


No way to swim alone, you see
For life ahead, help is the key.
Drowning in the ocean, he pleads
But silently, for no one hears,
A helping hand is what he needs
But he is left with only fears.
We’ll drown if we’re alone, you see
For life ahead, hope is the key.

SoCS: Unfold

Today’s SoCS prompt is to find a word that starts with U and use it in the post. “Bonus points if it’s the first word in your post,” Linda says.


Unfold the paper flowers you gave me — three lilies — 

And the paper vase they cams in — so pretty! —

Stack all the pieces in a pile and 

Set them on fire

Disclaimer: no origami was harmed in the making of this poem.

Wallpaper

Linda G. Hill gives us the word “wallpaper” to work with for SoCS today. As I had absolutely nothing to say about wallpaper, I decided to do am image search and see if anything from that inspired me. The pictures most near the top were of cell-phone wallpapers, which I didn’t even think about; I was thinking about literal decorative sticky paper on actual walls. Traditional wallpaper, I guess you could say. 🙂

The wallpaper on my phone is a photo taken from the pier at one of the local beaches. You can see the shoreline on the lift side of the photo, but most of the image is blue sky and ocean of a deeper blue. I remember when I took that picture: I was there with a friend from high school (we’ve more or less lost touch now), and we were going to eat burgers and drink milkshakes. I remember, doing that scared me so much because I was near the beginning of my eating disorder recovery journey. Thoughts like, “You want me to go to the beach, and eat a burger, and drink a milkshake, in the SAME DAY?!” were prominent. I refused to wear a bathing suit, so we didn’t go swimming, but we did eat that stuff, and we had a really fun day. At least I wore shorts and short sleeves. I remember, even though it was a huge challenge, that day was a major win for me!

I’ve come a long way, even if it doesn’t often feel like it.

 

You've come a long way, through the wind and the waves,
To find a blue sky and a safe place to stay.

The steps and the strides might be tiny or wide,
But in taking just one, one can be satisfied.

Remember the places from which you have come,
It has been a long road, and although you're not done,

Sometimes the wind and the waves want to play:
A milkshake and fries aren't too scary today.